Are you people pleasing vs taking care of your own needs? It can be tricky to figure out sometimes, if you’ve been conditioned by your family and culture to be agreeable.
And let’s face it…that’s true for most women and some of our men as well.
You’ve been taught to say yes, even if you REALLY don’t want to
Sometimes you might think…well the request is harmless. No skin off your nose.
But what if it’s a bigger deal than you’re aware of at the time? What if your small act of people pleasing opens the gates for something else you’d rather say no to, but feel obliged to say yes despite your intuitive objections?
This can include everything from a Facebook friend request, to making a purchase, to going out with friends. Here’s another good one: agreeing to take on too much at work.
Hmmm. Sound familiar?
When you’re used to saying yes (or just saying nothing), how do you know when you’ve crossed the line from being nice to allowing your boundaries to be violated?
Truthfully, this is where your intuition is important, once you’ve learned to trust those inner messages that don’t seem to be “logical”. They’re always correct!
If someone has asked you to do something and you’re not sure about it… don’t reply right away
Ask for time to think about it (but really what you’ll be doing is feeling into it – go with your gut!)
Give yourself time and space away from the reflex to say yes.
And notice what else pops up.
Usually we say yes instead of no to be polite. To appear friendly and kind.
But this isn’t always in your best interests. Especially if you’re already deep in people pleasing mode.
Related: Compassionate Boundaries: How to Say No with Heart (Mindful.org)
You have rights too
The right to be happy.
To state what you think and feel.
To negotiate for a mutually agreeable solution.
Or to not negotiate at all, if you don’t want to!
Need some support to build healthier boundaries?
Book a Kinesiology session with me, to help you uncover the patterns and beliefs that are stopping you from learning to say no!
Ambha Amanda Roberts is a Kinesiologist, Intuitive Healer, educator and facilitator based on the Sunshine Coast, Australia. She offers Kinesiology sessions both in-person and via Skype/Zoom all over the world.
Ambha Amanda is the co-creator of Adventures of Staria, which includes a series of Staria cards, and an upcoming book for children (including inner children).