I had my very last client for the year last night (a distance session).
We worked with the theme of being safe to speak up.
Because many of us – myself included – grew up in an environment where it was NOT safe to say what was really going on. Or to say anything much at all in the face of conflict.
Some of us grow up feeling as if saying what you’d really like to say is potentially dangerous. We might accidentally end up unleashing the kraken!
So we grow up staying silent
Not saying anything about small boundary violations, and swallowing our resentment and frustrations. Because that can feel so much safer than voicing any disagreement.
- Not feeling safe to say no or voice disagreement is a trauma response that needs to be met with love and healing.
- Carrying this behaviour into your adult life means you’re reproducing your dysfunctional family dynamics. Probably with other people who share similar trauma responses.
- Eating your feelings is heavy. And toxic. Eventually this pattern can impact your health.
While you might never be able to resolve these dynamics within your own family of origin, you can definitely heal them in your friendships and romantic relationships.
It’s good to start small. Maybe even just practicing how to say no on your own, first. And then learning to say no when you really mean it in circumstances that your logical mind knows are safe.
For example: Sending a meal back at a restaurant if it’s not what you ordered. You paid for it and you have a right to get what you want!
Can you speak up in that situation calmly and with kindness? Maybe you think it doesn’t matter. But it does.
Practicing speaking up for yourself can help you build the “muscles” and skills needed to speak up for yourself in more challenging situations.
You’re in charge of what you’re willing to accept. And you’re in charge of setting yourself free from the conditioning and patterns you grew up with.
Ambha Amanda Roberts is a Kinesiologist, Intuitive Healer, educator and facilitator based in Mullumbimby, Australia. She offers Kinesiology sessions both in-person and via Skype/Zoom all over the world.
Ambha Amanda is the co-creator of Adventures of Staria, which includes a series of Staria cards, and an upcoming book for children (including inner children).