Artwork: Ocean of Love Bliss by Alex Grey
A core human wound: LOVE
Note: This piece includes a personal story about some recent reflections on my own healing journey!
I wanted to write a little about one of our core wounds as humans – it’s one that pretty much everyone on this planet shares. LOVE.
Because we are in essence unity consciousness and yet we’ve forgotten we are that… we can feel utterly cut off and separate from our true nature.
We’ve done such a fantastic job at buying into this “human meat bag” story, that we believe in every cell of our being we are not god! Instead, we hold a million different wounds around LOVE.
Giving and/or receiving love
Love is easy/not easy
Love is safe/not safe
There’s not enough love
Or ironically, there’s too much love…
We’ve so many variations on the theme, but it all comes down to the same thing – we’ve forgotten our divinity. And this HURTS us deeply, and as a result we feel unloved.
We can even get so good at holding this wound and the deep subconscious pain of it all, we forget it’s even there.
Until the wound is triggered in one way or another, and our stories surface. Sometimes they whisper to us in the dark, and other times they rage like a tornado.
However they show up, they wreak havoc
We’re all afraid we really ARE god, and we’re also deeply fearful we are not. So we live in the dichotomy of polarising pain that tells us we’re not good enough.
Not lovable enough. Not attractive/interesting enough, to be loved.
Simply… not enough. And undeserving of receiving love, to boot.
When we’re triggered in this way, we dive even further into forgetting our true nature.
We get ourselves ever-more lost in mental/emotional knots.
Yesterday… after I finished my client sessions I did a huge healing on myself
I’ve had right ITB (iliotibial band) pain (frigging OUCH!) and left pectoralis minor pain (causing collarbone ouchies!!) for almost a week.
PAIN is a strong indicator something is amiss somewhere in our body, mind or emotions. The audio doesn’t match the video.
I knew something was up. There’s been some rather unpleasant fall out for me, before and after the recent solar eclipse.
So I asked my good buddy Metatron, the crystal devas and a few other etheric mates to help me.
Because when I do self-healing work, I’m fully aware I can not see everything. I can’t be a complete mirror for myself, because as a human being there’s ALWAYS stuff I don’t want to see.
Many deep survival stress emotions came up, which didn’t surprise me. But then one came up that did: LOVE.
Now, love as a deep survival stress (DSS) emotion is rather interesting
Whenever I work with DSS emotions, I always check time mode. There’s usually many times in our present life and very often ancestral and past lives involved, too.
Deep survival stress is a way of saying, when I feel this emotion, I also feel like there’s a good chance I might be dying some time soon!
And so… we develop patterns that tell us “HELL NO THAT FEELING/EMOTION IS JUST NOT SAFE!”
Then we have an embedded program by which we live our lives. They get so deeply embedded in our operating system that we can’t see them easily. WHICH IS VERY ANNOYING!
Anyway, so LOVE tested up
My whole body was like… YEP, and my energy body fired up, too!
So I checked in. Time mode. All The Times in this life. And… uhhh yep. MANY other lifetimes.
And also holding many imprints of this same story that don’t even belong to me. Doh!
I thought about it… “Gee, how often have you ever felt really loved in this lifetime? In relationships? Friendships? Family members?”
My head spun. The answer is precious little of my life.
Yet, I’m the Sapphire Queen of Binah – the sephirah on the Tree of Life that’s about Divine Understanding and the Divine Feminine.
I’ve done a shit-tonne of giving love in this lifetime
My work is service-based. So HOW is it that I can put my hand on my heart and say I’ve honestly never FELT particularly loved?
These days, it’s not entirely true. I have some really amazing friends, mentors and supporters. I know they love me, and I love them back, fiercely.
BUT BUT BUT… when I looked at just my romantic partner history. Ummmm, not really feeling the love!
Okay… teen years romances were nice but that isn’t quite love, is it? At least mine weren’t. I was engaged in my mid-late 20’s and that was super-romantic at first, but then it crashed and burned.
Leading to more stories about how love isn’t safe. Being loved isn’t safe. Being in a loving relationship isn’t safe. And so on.
I had almost an entire page of similar statements written out today! Amazing… but I’d never really noticed until yesterday.
After I left my fiance, there were a couple of other significant relationships but both crashed and burned and I was utterly heartbroken. It was then that in this lifetime, I really shut up shop on my heart in terms of receiving love.
It simply wasn’t happening, so don’t leave the “open for business” sign on the window.
And so I didn’t. Then I began attracting the Wrong Men.
Part of me said that was somehow safer because if I wasn’t ever going to fall for them, then I couldn’t be hurt by them. WRONG. WRONG AND SUPER-WRONG.
I’ve cleared so many layers of this story already
But as with all healing work it takes time to uncover our wounds in all of their mis-shapen and unsightly glory. They are magnificent pieces of work, and sometimes they must be seen in full to be released properly.
And so… more work to be done.
This one stretches wayyyy back into other lifetimes and dimensions. It seems that for a very long time, I’ve been trying to teach myself that not only am I loved, but I am LOVE. Love is me. Only I didn’t entirely get that message until today.
And so I haven’t felt safe to be loved
Not really and truly letting love in.
The way it seems to work is that we do our best to attract the stories and situations that will reveal our wounds to us. The wounds then fire up, and we have a choice…
Stay and witness them. Experience them. See how they feel, and how they affect other people.
OR run and hide. Duck. Ignore. Pretend that it’s not really happening. Blame others. Deny our stuff.
So many people run, and it’s understandable
Because remember? Deep survival stress. This stuff makes us feel like we’re gonna die imminently.
But the gifts of investigating and looking inwards are many. The work isn’t always easy or comfortable, but it’s doable and it’s worth it.
I love you all!
And I’m declaring my heart open for business once again.
Ambha Amanda Roberts is a Kinesiologist, Intuitive Healer, educator and facilitator based on the Sunshine Coast, Australia. She offers Kinesiology sessions both in-person and via Skype/Zoom all over the world.
Ambha Amanda is the co-creator of Adventures of Staria, which includes a series of Staria cards, and an upcoming book for children (including inner children).