**This blog post is a little sweary**
I find myself having funny conversations in the clinic sometimes. Especially when a client apologises for telling me their problems.
They might say, “Oh, I’m sorry for dumping this on you”.
To which I reply, “People don’t often come in here and pay me money to tell me their life is a party, and everything is okay”.
We share a laugh. Then they might say something like…
Oh but, my problems aren’t as bad as other people’s.
I really shouldn’t complain because what’s going on for me isn’t that bad.
Other people have far worse problems than me.
Ahem. Let’s break this down…
So you’ve booked yourself in to see a Kinesiologist, but you’re apologising for having the very issues that brought you here in the first place? And then, you’re trying to tell me that your problems aren’t that bad?
Except that presumably, you’re here because you’re suffering and you want things to change? Right?!
Welcome to the world of minimising and comparison. It’s a tricky tactic that helps you avoid looking at what’s really going on.
Generally, most people who seek healing – be it on the physical, emotional, mental or spiritual level(s) – are actually seeking change.
Because they don’t like their current state of health or wellbeing. They’d prefer to not be unwell or in pain. They’d rather not be beating themselves up 24/7 with negative self-talk. They’d like to feel calmer, less stressed and anxious. And so on.
This is known as suffering
The human condition of suffering is one of the teachings of the Buddha. Anything you’d like to change about yourself, is an aspect of suffering. The very act of believing that you need to be “fixed” is suffering, too.
While there’s some stuff about being human that we simply have to accept, there’s a lot we can do to reduce our suffering!
In fact, suffering has a lot to do with how you perceive your experiences, your mindset, emotional patterning, trauma, and internal dialog. Of course, some of it also needs dealing with on the physical level, too.
So I find the excuses we make about our stuff really interesting
I mean, why would you want to create change for yourself on the one hand, and on the other, minimise your experiences by comparing them to other people’s and telling yourself you really shouldn’t complain?
Why would you want to keep suffering, just because you feel like your suffering isn’t that serious?
Does that even make any sense when you think about it?!
We get stuck in a cycle of suffering – or as I call it, “shit ocean” 💩💩💩🌊
This is one of the greatest illusions of being human. That when you’re suffering, all you can do is feel wounded and small, and stuck smelling the awful stench of shit ocean. You know, like, forever.
There can be a perception that getting out of shit ocean isn’t possible. That once you’ve started to smell shit ocean, you always will. This is when people say things like “that’s just the way I am/things are”.
Some things are relatively permanent, such as a limb being amputated. However, it’s possible to work on releasing the phantom pains of a missing limb and/or unwinding the associated trauma.
It’s possible to find peace about the whole deal, and accept that some things really are different now, without constantly feeling like you’ve got a knife plunged into your heart or other body parts.
I’m living proof that transformation is possible
Just the other night, I was talking to a friend and she asked me how my hair re-growth was going. For those who don’t know, due to a rather serious shock I experienced in my personal life, huge chunks of my hair fell out, alopecia-style.
But with some amazing Kinesiology, Osteopathy and Naturopathic care, my hair is back, baby.
Other issues I’ve resolved using Kinesiology (combined with other modalities) include: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Hashimoto’s thyroiditis.
None of these healing journeys were a cake-walk. And none of them happened overnight.
They all involved doing deep inner work, and being willing to see what’s really going on. And exactly none of them were resolved by pretending that my personal wounding “wasn’t that bad”.
Something I often say to clients is “It’s not the arrow, it’s the wound that matters”.
By which I mean, it doesn’t matter what caused your suffering. What matters is the suffering itself.
Comparing your stuff to others or minimising is a way of avoiding your core wounds
Trust me, I get it. Facing your deepest wounds is freaking scary.
The very reason you’ve hidden those wounds the way you have was an attempt to protect yourself from the pain and suffering in the only way you knew how: by pushing it away from the surface so you didn’t have to see or feel it.
It makes sense. Your survival instincts were trying to keep you alive. So it works for a while, maybe even a long while. But eventually, all wounds seek healing. And so begins the discomfort and agitation with how things are.
You begin to notice your suffering. You want it to go away. But the only way to do this is to get to the hidden core of the problem.
Self-medication, distractions and avoiding the truth never really help. And have you noticed how you have to keep adding new distractions in order to keep coping?
Suffering is the stench of shit ocean
In summary, it’s everything you don’t like, or consider bad or wrong about yourself, and have therefore disowned. All the traumatic experiences you didn’t have the resources to process at the time. All of your self-criticisms, too.
Which is why comparing and mimimising won’t ever help you to access the core issues you’re really facing. Nor will it make your problems vanish. They’re simply ways to keep yourself in a holding pattern, which keeps things just as they are.
We all know that stagnant bodies of water are the ones that get stinky. And the more stagnant, the stinkier they get.
Whereas healing is about change, flow and movement. Fresh water rarely stinks (unless stinky pollutants are dumped in it).
The way out of shit ocean?
Is to acknowledge that you’ve found yourself stuck there in the first place.
And that your life doesn’t have to stink for the rest of time. Then, it’s time to take action.
Which is usually where I come in. When you’re absolutely fed up with your current experience of life, and you’re ready to get real with yourself.
We’ll work together to help you find a way out of your own cycle of suffering. It’s not about me rescuing you either! It’s about bringing you back to your center. To a place of flow, so you can see that shit ocean is not all that there is in your life.
This is really just the first step on the pathway out of suffering.
To get there? You simply have to keep going. I know that’s as true for me, as much as it is for anyone else.
Ambha Amanda Roberts is a Kinesiologist, Intuitive Healer, educator and facilitator based on the Sunshine Coast, Australia. She offers Kinesiology sessions both in-person and via Skype/Zoom all over the world.
Ambha Amanda is the co-creator of Adventures of Staria, which includes a series of Staria cards, and an upcoming book for children (including inner children).