This is something I believe passionately. I wrote this sentence in a comment on someone else’s Instagram post and it received some grateful feedback. So I thought I’d share more here.
Girls and women are conditioned from a very early age to put up with their appearance being commented on. There are way too many creepy comments to count for most of us when it comes to things we’ve been told about ourselves.
Of course, this is also the case for anyone who looks difference – be that the colour of your skin, your gender or anything else.
This is tolerated because the same behaviour has been going on for generations
But it’s something we need to look at more closely because it’s NOT okay.
As a child, we learn that positive comments are something to aim for because we get positive feedback. We feel loved and accepted.
So when we learn that being pretty or wearing certain clothes is better than being unattractive, we start to judge ourselves. And this impacts our sense of self, and our value. We begin to understand that most people think being pretty or beautiful is more valued than not being those things.
But remember… this idea dates back to when women were traded like property
The “better looking” and more compliant women were, the higher the dowry price.
So it’s no surprise that this understanding begins early. And the lines are blurred. Do we care about how we look for ourselves? Or for others? Do we even know?
This is of course, about boundaries, but it’s also about people pleasing
Have you ever noticed though, that people pleasing tends to exclude you?
That you can be so intent on doing what others want that you ignore pleasing yourself?
Here’s the truth…
No one has the right to comment on your body.
I don’t believe we should focus our compliments on anyone’s appearance. Especially not young girls, but also all people of all ages.
Regardless of whether someone is pleased or displeased with your appearance, it means absolutely nothing about your value or worth as a human being.
And you have a right to gently and kindly let people know you’d rather they don’t comment on your appearance.
Ambha Amanda Roberts is a Kinesiologist, Intuitive Healer, educator and facilitator based in Melbourne, Australia. She offers Kinesiology sessions both in-person and via Skype/Zoom all over the world.
Ambha Amanda is the co-creator of Adventures of Staria, which includes a series of Staria cards, and an upcoming book for children (including inner children).