A common theme for my clients is developing and maintaining healthy personal boundaries.
How healthy are yours?
Personally, it took me a long time (and many repeated lessons, doh!) to work out what healthy boundaries look like, and establish them in all life circumstances (work, family, personal life, friends, business etc).
Additionally, for those who are energetically sensitive (many of my clients are), there’s a need to develop strong energetic boundaries, too.
What does it mean to have healthy boundaries?
So you hear people talking about “boundaries” but what does this really mean?
“Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits.”
Ideally what we want to achieve with our boundaries is feeling free to be ourselves, and connect easily with others when we choose to.
But we want to do that without being “walked all over” OR having boundaries that are so rigid we’re unable to let anyone else in.
The key point here is choice. We need to feel we can choose to honour our own needs without getting the guilts over saying no, or honour someone else’s needs (ideally whilst still taking care of our own, too).
Another benefit of healthy boundaries? Life is a lot more enjoyable and way less stressful!
What do unhealthy boundaries look like?
You might be a boundary over-stepper or someone who allows others to over-step your own boundaries. Or you can be both!
Do you recognise any of these traits?
Those who let others over-step their boundaries…
- Are often “yes” people (i.e. you don’t know how to say no!)
- Find that others will confide highly personal issues to them without you asking them to
- Don’t often stick up for themselves
- Are always asked to do more and more and more (especially at work!)
- Will take care of others to their own detriment
- And consequently, will often feel exhausted all the time
- Tend to insist everything MUST be done their way
- Have no qualms about asking friends/family for help with the smallest details
- Can play the victim in order to emotionally manipulate others
- Will often harshly criticise everyone and everything around them
- Blame others for their predicaments and avoid taking responsibility
Just to be clear: none of these traits makes you a bad person.
BUT if you resonate with any of the above, it could mean there’s some inner work to do, if you’re up for the challenge!
I like to describe healthy boundaries as permeable
Meaning that our boundaries allow us to interact easily with others, without feeling overwhelmed.
Boundaries aren’t meant to be full of holes or act as a barbed-wire fence, either.
However, if we’ve been hurt in the past then our natural tendency might be towards letting ourselves be trampled or acting defensively.
Building better boundaries
Depending on your life experiences, you’ll either need to relax your boundaries or build them up! Or maybe a little of both.
Either way, reflection and honesty are important to gain a true understanding of how you ended up with your boundaries in their current state.
Most of our boundary issues relate to what was modeled to us as children by family, friends or authority figures.
Layered on top of that are our own life experiences.
Sometimes, it can be challenging to know how to unravel all of this on your own.
Sensitive to energy?
If you’re someone who feels other people’s stress, physical and/or emotional pain you might be what’s known as “energy sensitive” (aka an empath).
If this is sounds like you, then there’s another set of boundaries to strengthen: your energetic boundaries.
Take care of you!
Essentially, having healthy boundaries comes down to knowing what you need to be happy and well, and ensuring your needs aren’t always taking a backseat to other people’s.
Of course, sometimes it can’t be helped when life circumstances get in the way. If that happens, don’t panic!
But do recognise that your boundaries aren’t being honoured and as soon as possible take whatever steps you need to in order to rectify the situation.
Which might mean some alone time, saying what’s really on your mind at a later time, getting more sleep or saying no to that extra commitment you just don’t have the energy for.
But what if saying no or making a change to support healthier boundaries feels a little bit impossible right now?
Kinesiology can help
Hands down, Kinesiology is a fantastic way of clearing old patterns, habits and unresolved emotional wounds.
You can watch this trailer to get a better understanding of how emotions that are trapped in the body can impact your life.
Kinesiology is very powerful and effective at resolving trapped emotions from any life experience(s) you’ve consciously or sub-consciously been unable to let go of.
If you’d like to explore how you can create balanced and healthy boundaries in your life, you can book a Kinesiology session with me.
Ambha Amanda Roberts is a Kinesiologist, Intuitive Healer, educator and facilitator based in Mullumbimby, Australia. She offers Kinesiology sessions both in-person and via Skype/Zoom all over the world.
Ambha Amanda is the co-creator of Adventures of Staria, which includes a series of Staria cards, and an upcoming book for children (including inner children).