Just so you know… This topic is very VERY close to my heart, and I’ve currently got a fire in my belly about sharing this with you all!
I’m absolutely super-duper passionate about the idea of teaching all human beings the following, as part of our standard growing up/becoming a healthy human being curriculum:
- How to have good boundaries;
- How to love, honour and respect ourselves;
- And then by extension, how to respect other people’s boundaries; and love, honour and respect them, too.
Those points all sound like common-sense, right?
However, I’ve heard the stories below soooo many times now, in many different forms:
- Confessions from clients, friends and acquaintances around much they dislike themselves
- Or fears that they’re unlovable/unlikeable
- Or that they’re not a good person
- Or that they’ve no value in this world…
Sometimes, we can even feel like there’s so much “wrong” with us, that we wouldn’t even know where to start, in terms of getting help and support to find a bit more happiness in our lives.
So instead, we just put up a front to present to the world, all the while secretly loathing and judging ourselves, and falling apart when no one’s looking.
But this putting up a front and not sharing your truth?
Well m’loves, that’s just one way you might be giving away your power.
Do YOU suspect you give away your power?
What do you think? Does any of the above resonate for you?
And do you suspect you have any “go-to” patterns, when it comes to feeling powerless?
Our patterns can be subtle or obvious
More often than not, at first we don’t even know that we’re giving our power away. On account of never learning what this means as a part of growing up!
Once we start understanding boundaries and personal power, some of our patterns will seem obvious and easy to spot, while others are a lil’ bit sneakier.
4 Ways You Might Be Giving Away Your Power
- Telling yourself that another person “makes you feel [XYZ]”
This is possibly one of the most ubiquitous stories we tell ourselves and others. We put the responsibility for how we feel onto other people! It’s even part of our common vernacular to say “you made me feel so hurt/angry/sad”. But it’s not possible, is it? If you don’t want to feel sad or angry or upset, then you simply won’t. Right? And if you are feeling those emotions? Then acknowledge they were created within YOU, by YOU.
- Reading your own meanings into what others say or do
She said this, which must mean that!
Have you noticed that those interpretations we attribute to others are often connected to our stories about our own sense of self-worth or negative self-talk?
More often than not, other people do not mean whatever you think they did. In fact, they’re more than likely carrying the same sort of inner dialogue as you are, only about themselves!
- Blaming others for what happens in your life
“If only so-and-so didn’t do this, I wouldn’t be in this predicament.”
We cannot control the actions of others, but we CAN control what we do about it.
It can be tempting to stay in the space of blaming others, and playing out the emotional drama of what happened and why, over and over again.
All evidence can even point to a very good reason WHY we might feel this way.
For example: if you’ve suffered trauma of any kind at the hands of another person. It’s completely understandable to be angry and upset. But if we want to be free of the hold such experiences have over us? We need to find a way to take responsibility for our present time experience of life.
- Holding on to stories of negative thought patterns
In Australia and I’m sure other parts of the world, we are big proponents of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome”, which requires us to “talk ourselves down” to avoid being seen as “up ourselves”. This means we are much more likely to underplay our abilities, which in turn means we use a lot of negative language about ourselves! Thing is, when we do this for long enough, we start to believe the words we say about ourselves. And we hold onto those stories for various reasons, but the upshot is that we’re keeping ourselves out of our own power by doing so.
Don’t forget those sabotages!
As I said, some patterns are sneaky!
Such as: we might be sub-consciously choosing to give away our power, so we can hold onto the story that others are in fact, more powerful than us.
And that others are “terrible” or “bad” or a “bully” because they didn’t “let” us do this or that, or they “made us” do/feel something.
We can use this story to justify why why we haven’t done anything about our situation. We tell ourselves it’s out of our hands.
And we can feel quite helpless about changing our beahviour, even if we really want to.
In Kinesiology these are called sabotage patterns – which we clear using techniques like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping, and many others.
How to re-claim your power
The first and most important guideline is: Look to yourself. Your own actions, thoughts and feelings. Leave other people out of your reflections.
And the most important question to ask yourself is: How can you change your thought processes and stories so that you don’t immediately go to the negative, dis-empowering patterns you’ve always had?
Here’s a few ideas on how you could go about this…
- Developing and awareness of your patterns – you might like to write down the stories you ALWAYS tell yourself about yourself OR about what you think others are thinking about you!
- Then do some journaling to observe your thought processes, so you eventually become more aware of other themes going on up there in your mind!
- Engage in practices that support you to gain inner wisdom, such as:
- Mindfulness training
- Tai Chi/Qi Gong
- And importantly… never give up. Remain curious and humble and assume there’s always more to learn about yourself. Keep on engaging in your inner awareness work!
Want freedom from your dis-empowering stories?
Give Kinesiology a try!
My intention for each and every Kinesiology session, is to help you find empowerment and freedom from limiting stories and patterns you might be holding onto.
Kinesiology is by far one of the most gentle and powerful methods to get to the root issues going in the both the conscious and sub-conscious mind.
That said, it’s no magic bullet: it’s a process that’s suitable for anyone who’s truly ready to commit to some inner work, and do what it takes to re-connect with their personal power.
If that sounds good to you, then let’s chat!
I’d love to hear from you and assist you with your healing journey.
Ambha Amanda Roberts is a Kinesiologist, Intuitive Healer, educator and facilitator based on the Sunshine Coast, Australia. She offers Kinesiology sessions both in-person and via Skype/Zoom all over the world.
Ambha Amanda is the co-creator of Adventures of Staria, which includes a series of Staria cards, and an upcoming book for children (including inner children).