A little while back, I wrote a long-ish piece on the connection between self-hatred and autoimmune disorders.
Our emotional wellbeing matters just as much as our physical wellbeing. If we sustain emotional traumas/wounds that aren’t healed, they CAN lead to an inner state of toxicity in the body, which can manifest as physical illness.
But of course self-hatred as its own topic deserves a little more discussion, right?
And since I wrote that post, people have been finding my blog via search terms like “self hatred test” and “causes self hatred”.
So let’s talk about this a little bit more, shall we?
What *is* self-hatred?
To be glib, I tend to define self-hatred as an illness of our modern era.
Self-hatred is an internal emotional state that occurs when we hold poor opinions of ourselves, low self-esteem and self-worth, and reinforce those opinions with more poor opinions of ourselves.
We then look around for validation that proves we’re as shitty/pathetic as we feel on the inside. Because then we have proof, right?
And so it goes.
We allow our inner critic to become the loudest voice in our world, and we give it all our attention and permission to be the authority.
How does self-hatred get expressed?
Do any of these thought patterns sound familiar…
Which thoughts are your “home base”?
We’ve all got at least one “go-to”, right?
Sometimes when I ask people how they feel about themselves, they tell me that hate is too strong of a word.
But they’ll admit they don’t like themselves, how they look, or who they are.
All of these negative feelings/negative self-talk? They’re on the spectrum from dislike through to self-hate.
And when it comes to changing how we feel, it can seem like something that’s out of our control, right?
So, next question: Do you want to think this way about yourself for the rest of your life? How about for another 20 years? Or 10? Or even one year?
Hopefully if you’re reading this, then you’re saying NO!! I don’t want to hate myself for even one more day!
You weren’t born hating yourself
Do you ever spend time around babies or toddlers?
Just observe any wee munchkins you happen to be near: babies and toddlers don’t hate themselves.
And YOU weren’t born hating yourself.
It hasn’t always been this way.
And it doesn’t have to stay like this, either.
So, how does self-hatred happen?
This is where I come back to my earlier definition: Self-hatred is a modern-era phenomena, and it has a lot to do with our culture, lifestyle and values.
Culturally, we’re trained to focus on the negative. More attention is given to dramatic and negative situations than to positive ones. Just turn on the nightly news or open a newspaper if you’re not 100% convinced of that already.
Our lifestyle is focused on achievement and consumerism – “do XYZ and you’re a success” and “have XYZ and life is awesome”.
Our values tell us that being beautiful, skinny, wealthy, popular, intelligent etc, are GOOD. Certain ways of dressing are fantastic, others are daggy or tragic.
So we get caught up in conditioned thinking, behaviour and external appearances as being super-important.
Which can lead us into the traps of:
- Comparing ourselves to others on a multitude of levels
- Criticising ourselves/others for not meeting the values or standards we perceive as being important.
- Putting ourselves under extreme pressure to succeed and feeling the stressed or anxious in the face of failure
- Which can lead us to feeling disconnected, separate/alone and not good enough.
Sometimes we’re the 2nd, 3rd or 4th generation in our family with these attitudes
Which means we end up imbibing a culture, set of values and a lifestyle that’s deeply immersed in this way of thinking, believing it all to be FACT.
All of this can begin before we have the ability to think rationally for ourselves.
Or there might be influential people in our lives (family, teachers) that repeatedly express core beliefs that involve a lot of negative self-talk, behavior patterns or outright self-hatred.
No wonder we can find it challenging to believe that we can change our thinking!
Trauma is an important factor
Whether its intergenerational trauma, past life trauma or past experiences from this lifetime, trauma is a lot more common than most people think. It’s not just about “big T” trauma, either.
Often, our self-hatred comes from our traumatic experiences, and is a way we can use our mind and thoughts in an attempt to protect ourselves.
How to stop hating yourself
You know how you’ve been doing this self-hate/dislike thing for well… ages?
And how it’s made up of layers and layers of negative “stuff” you’ve been carrying around all this time?
What this should tell you, is that it might take a while to unwind all of your negative stories and opinions about yourself.
It takes commitment. It takes therapy – whether its Kinesiology or another healing/helping modality.
And you’ll need to develop more awareness of what you’re thinking/saying about yourself, and strategies for recognising and turning those thoughts around.
You’ve got to be ready, willing and able to do the work. So are you ready?
Here’s a few tips and related blog posts, that might help you along the way…
- Acknowledging the value of failure (Success is not final, failure is not fatal)
- Accepting and allowing yourself to be uniquely YOU (Fitting in ain’t all that!)
- Building stronger boundaries – both behavioural and energetic
- Taking back your personal power
- Taking the pressure off – your best IS good enough, darlin’ heart!
- Clearing sabotage patterns
Kinesiology sessions can help
Did you know that committing to a series of Kinesiology sessions is a radical act of self-love?
It’s investing in yourself. Making a statement that you, and your life are worth it.
That you’re willing to do the work to create positive change in your life: To feel better about yourself. To let go of old habits and patterns.
I’ve clients who come to see me fortnightly, monthly or every other month. Whatever they can manage.
The key to healing self-hatred is commitment to self-love: regular, ongoing work to develop your awareness, release patterns and habits that no longer serve you, and creating a new intention or goal for your life.
- I accept myself 100% as I am
- I experience life as joyful and interesting
- I have my own unique perspective on life, and I love that about myself
- I deserve to live a long, happy and healthy life
- Life is infinitely fascinating and full of opportunities to learn and grow
Lovely Ones, I could go on and on and on when it comes to this topic. Okay, not just this topic.
But kicking self-hatred out the door and committing to self-love?
It’s the freakin’ gateway to enjoying your life in a positive and meaningful way.
P.S. Get in touch if you’d like to explore how you can use Kinesiology to powerfully and gently find self-acceptance. x
Ambha Amanda Roberts is a Kinesiologist, Intuitive Healer, educator and facilitator based on the Sunshine Coast, Australia. She offers Kinesiology sessions both in-person and via Skype/Zoom all over the world.
Ambha Amanda is the co-creator of Adventures of Staria, which includes a series of Staria cards, and an upcoming book for children (including inner children).